Let me preface this by noting that I am a dork. Which explains why, when I bought a Trek bike for my trip, I decided I should name it something out of Star Trek. And since the bike is a Trek 520, I decided it would be even more apt to name it after someone in season five, episode 20 of Star Trek: The Next Generation. (The original series only ran three seasons, and frankly the series after ST:TNG aren't worth memorializing)

Unfortunately, it turns out that episode 20 of season five is an exceedingly lame episode starring my least favorite characters from the show: Deanna Troi's obnoxious mother Lwaxana and Worf's bratty son Alexander. Apparently the highlight of the episode is them visiting a virtual holodeck circus. Whoop-de-doo.

But then I remembered that Lwaxana Troi always brought a valet with her: a seven-foot tall, gray-skinned, hard-drinkin', almost entirely mute strongman named (as I discovered after an Internet search) Mr. Homn.

That's the guy, I thought. Strong, silent, dependable, capable of carrying rather impressive loads of luggage. Exactly what I'm looking for in a bike. If I could find a little action figure of the dude, I'd tape it to my handlebars for inspiration.